📖 Love Is Not Enough by Mark Manson

Topic: Relationships | Medium: Audible | Rating: 5/5

This was a great recommendation.

Was an interview-style audiobook. Super interesting. And surprisingly very relatable (because we are all damaged goods 😂). The book gives you insight into common human behaviours which creates more self-awareness. As he says, "relationships are easy but hard". Easy because we generally know what to do, but hard due because of our emotions, hardwired tendencies and pasts experiences. i.e. love is not enough.

Three keynotes

1. Narcissist vs Codependent

• Narcissist - places responsibility on someone else for how they act and feel. Their favourite lines: "See what you made me do" or "I only did it because I love you".
• Codependent - takes responsibility for how someone else acts and feels. They constantly feel guilty for the world around them (subtly making it about themselves).
• They generally attract each other, forming a toxic cycle.
• Narcissists need to make a mess, and the codependent needs to clean something up to prove they are loved and needed.
• The dynamics that emerge: breaker-fixer, runner-chaser; and victim-saviour.
• Both place, happiness and self-worth in someone else.
• Both are incapable of feeling good about themselves by themselves.

* Found this super interesting. I'm definitely skewed towards the codependent bucket. Reminder: I am not noble/empathetic because I take on someone else's emotions. *

2. Fantasies vs Taking Responsibility

• The seduction of "soulmates" places responsibility away from ourselves. Staying in toxic relationships because "we were destined to be together".
• The fantasy of another relationship/life holds us back from committing and investing in our current relationships.

3. Boundaries vs Vulnerability

• Living by your values (saying yes/no to what you want/don't want) influences your social circles. And hence you can make your way towards people with the same values as you.
• When you have healthy boundaries you will face more rejection. But it is liberating and will save you a lot of time on the wrong people.