😖 Making Mistakes

I made a mistake. And it sent me down a spiral of self-depreciation and shame.

Thoughts included:

• "Why am I so dumb?"
• "I'm not made out for this."
• "I should quit."

It hit harder than it has in a while so it prompted me to write it out. The second last question, I think was the most insightful and something I wouldn't have asked myself before.

What was the mistake?

• The mistake was a mechanical error in a calculation. So it was a human error from the lack of self-review.

What does it compromise?

• At my core, I know it compromises my lack of intelligence and self-worth.

Why is this false?

• "I make mistakes, mistakes dont make me."
• Intelligence does not define self-worth.
• I am intelligent.

What can I learn from this mistake? What will I do differently next time?

• Take extra time to review complex/different/material amounts. If possible, review the next day with fresh eyes. (Something I've learnt before, so it's really a reminder).

Why was this the right time to learn from this mistake?

• This is a client I wanted to let go of. lol.
• It served as a reminder for future situations where the stakes are higher.

*But also why did it so hard this time?*

• Because I'm doing something that doesn't make me happy. I've been going through the motions doing something just because I can, not because it gives me fulfilment. And once a speedhump occurs, feelings of dissatisfaction and discontentment arise and I am faced to feel those emotions again. A temporary fix included browsing seek and Linkedin jobs. Which I now acknowledge is a key indicator of my discontentment.

In addition to changing my future circumstances, what can I change in my current circumstances?

• Filling my time on things that help me grow and that give me fulfilment.
• Talk to people more. I am isolated in my own world and bubble.
• Talk to yourself how you would a friend.