📖 Love Life by Matthew Hussey

Topic: Love Life, Dating, Relationships | Medium: Audible | Rating: 5

Thoughts:

I loved this book! So many notes and emotional moments. My love life (including the relationship with myself) is forever a work in progress. I've already taken away a lot of lessons for my dating life—focusing on qualities, not just feelings; not investing too early; ensuring my goals and life are also a priority; and letting go of insecurities. It's definitely challenging mentally, but it's another opportunity to grow and learn what we want and how to interact with others.

Nothing in life is guaranteed. It's not guaranteed that we will be happy in a relationship, and it's not guaranteed that, if we are, it will last. So we need to be "happy enough" with whatever our current circumstances are.

Just as a parent's love for a child is a given, we should extend that same love to ourselves. We are our own person, deserving of love without justification.

Love you <3

3 Note Summary:

• Finding the One: Focus on qualities that make a good partner, not on hard-to-describe feelings. Remember, attention is not intention. Invest in someone based on how much they invest in you. They are not "the one" if they didn’t choose you —let that be the biggest turn-off.
• Set Standards: Have tough conversations and don’t ignore red flags. Our greatest fear should be spending a life with someone who doesn’t make us happy, not tough conversations. Exceptional relationships are not found—they are built.
• Embrace Core Confidence: Develop "F U" confidence by investing in yourself so you are happy with or without a relationship. What else would make you happy if the relationship, career, and external success were taken away?

Detailed Notes:

• Your needs deserve to be met.
• The love of your life is you.
• It's okay to be yourself.
• They are not "the one" if they didn’t choose you, and that’s okay.
• Someone not choosing you should be the biggest turn-off in the world.
• Challenge your self-worth and ego—kill your ego!

“Exceptional relationships are not found. They are built.”

Hope:

• Waiting for things to get better sets you up for disappointment.
• Change your relationship with pain—get curious.

Learning to Be Happy Outside of Marriage:

• Tell yourself better stories.
• Peak romance or an MDMA high is an experience, not a relationship.
• Focus on who is worth your time and emotional energy.

Importance Levels:

1. Admiration.
2. Mutual attraction.
3. Commitment.
4. Compatibility.

• Love does not conquer all.
• Are they good at handling you during stressful times? Can they handle disagreements? Can you?

Reframe Your Instincts:

• Be less intense.
• Don’t overextend or romanticize.
• Avoid overwhelming someone by putting them on a pedestal.
• Don’t clear your schedule for someone too quickly.
• Avoid moving too fast or making them too important too quickly while undervaluing yourself.
• Base your qualities on what makes a good partner, not hard-to-describe feelings.
• Don’t fight harder when they pull away—slow down.

Slow down:

• Lowering the temperature.
• Pausing when people are reciprocating the energy we are giving.
• Valuing who is present.
• Balancing optimism with "we’ll see".
• Focusing on qualities that make a good partner.
• Become too invested too early. Imagining a future. Romanticising instead of being present. This is totally me!!!! 😂😂😅😅

Red Flags:

• Talks negatively about exes.
• Not nice when not being watched.
• Love-bombs (prioritizes a relationship, not genuine desire).
• Can’t say sorry or keep their word.
• Inconsistent communication.

Misalignments:

• Monogamy, commitment, and kids.

Key Advice:

• Have hard conversations—set your standards. Tough conversations improve our lives. ⭐️⭐️ Greatest fear should be spending a life with someone that doesn’t make me happy. Not the tough conversation.
• We don’t need everyone to wants us. We just want one. And rejection is just a step closer to finding the right person.
• Reject the scarcity mindset.
• Insecurities - girl with no leg - what a beautiful story 🥺🥺🥺🥺
• Invest in someone based on how much they invest in you.
• Attention is not intention.
• We deserve the love that makes us feel psychologically safe.
• It is our responsibilty to teach people our worth wowwww.
  Trauma bonds often pull us back to familiar highs.
• Chemistry is important - you want to be sexually compatible. But it’s not a competition! To be the brightest. Will the holiday romance beat life-long commitment?
• Plan b becomes the new plan a - embrace that. No plan remains the back-up plan. Practical adaptability. Acceptance. You can be happy no matter what.

Handling Breakups:

• We are different animals. Leave when your needs and feelings aren’t safe. When its stealing your independence.
• Assume people don't change.
• Make peace with the breakup—relief from negative emotions is possible.
• The love of your life is the person that chooses you.
• Unfollow or mute them from your life and reclaim your own meaning.
• Realise that billions of people don’t know they exist, and life is much larger than this.
• Keep track of emotional buttons ⭐️⭐️ something I saw from a podcast on him!

Core Confidence:

• Gain the F U confidence.
• Me: work ethic, excellence, reading, writing, fitness, striving to be the best, generous.
• Your relationship with yourself is key.
• Self-love is a verb—invest in yourself.
• Separate accountability from blame.
• We did the best at that point in time
• We are a new person, a new runner, with new inputs.
• Reframing, resourcefulness, and celebrating your ingredients.
• We create our meaning.
• If you take away traumas you take away the treasures.
• Happy enough - radically accepting now.
• He started therapy not out of a desire to grow, but out of a desperate need to avoid drowning - I feel this!!

Pain Toolbox:

1. Lose the ceremony—avoid catastrophic thinking.
2. Surrender—lean into your current circumstances.
3. Choose your pain—find the benefits in it.
4. There will be moments of peace.
5. Show extreme compassion.
6. Reset your expectations.

• Chronic pain can be your biggest strength and teacher.

Truths:

• Being in a relationship won’t guarantee happiness.
• A relationship won’t ensure you won’t be alone again.
• Unique empathy comes from understanding this.
• Learn to be happy enough, with or without a relationship.
• Life rewards those who master their skills, like great chefs.